


focal point

by crystalcrow



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 5+1 Things, Comfort, Established Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, M/M, Personal Growth, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:28:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalcrow/pseuds/crystalcrow
Summary: It doesn’t surprise Andrew that Neil falls asleep no two minutes after that. He had been up all night, ignoring the medicine because it tasted “too sweet” and not laying down in Andrew’s or his own bed to avoid waking anyone up with his coughing.Andrew looks down at him, face gone soft with his lips parted slightly and eyes hidden beneath his lids, thinks about how soft the man that called a mobster out on live television looks and feels like someone opened his chest and placed the sun inside of it.(or, five times neil falls asleep on andrew and one time he doesn't)
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 34
Kudos: 687





	focal point

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my swamp!
> 
> a massive thank you to brooke for proof reading this bad boy and for the help in naming it! <3  
> really, it means a lot. 
> 
> enjoy!

1

Andrew wakes up to an empty bed. He’s not surprised that the sheets next to him, where he left space for Neil the evening before, are still how they were when he fell asleep — he would’ve woken up by the sound of the door opening and Neil’s weight on the bed. He takes a moment to blink himself awake before he gets out of the bed and pulls his armbands on. The weight of the knives hidden inside the black fabric makes breathing a little easier.

There’s a snore from the right of the room and Andrew glances over. He can make out Kevin’s form tangled in grey sheets, his mouth open. He looks away again, grabbing a sweater to pull over his short sleeved shirt on the way out. 

The first thing Andrew notices when he enters the living room is that the television is set on mute on some sport channel he doesn’t care about. Two blankets have been thrown on the sofa, and one of the cushions is sunken in like someone had been sitting there. A bottle of water is placed on the table in front of the sofa, open and with the cap missing. 

Andrew turns off the television on his way to the kitchen, the carpet rough under his socketed feet. He is itching for a cigarette but he knows he won’t make time for one today. 

Neil turns away from the sink when Andrew walks in and something twists inside Andrew’s chest when he takes the striker in. His skin is pale and glistening with sweat and there are dark circles under his eyes that explain the half empty bed. He opens his mouth when he sees Andrew, probably to say something along the lines of “I’m fine”, but breaks into wet coughs instead. 

“That does not sound healthy,” Andrew comments and inches closer to grab a glass and fill it with water. 

The force of the coughs have Neil bending down at the waist and it takes a few seconds before Neil grabs the glass from Andrew and takes a sip.

“Mornin’.” His voice sounds like the inside of his throat has been scrubbed raw with sandpaper, but it’s an improvement from how he sounded the day before. Neil takes another sip and states the obvious when he says, “I couldn’t sleep.” 

“You didn’t take your medicine,” Andrew says and nods to the cough syrup standing on the counter next to the bananas Kevin bought when Neil blinks at him in confusion. “There,” he adds with a sigh and takes Neil’s chin in one hand to turn his head. 

“Oh.” Neil continues blinking and Andrew lifts his hand to place it on Neil’s forehead. He puts his free hand on his own forehead and his eyebrow twitches at the difference in temperature of their skin. “If you had stopped moving your arm, I would’ve seen it sooner.”

Andrew knows his arm was steady and takes off his team sweater and shoves it at Neil. He stays close to Neil until his arms are covered and he’s leaning against the counter before Andrew washes his hands and hunts down the thermometer. 

It says 102 F and Andrew cleans it and looks up to see Neil swaying to the left and right from where he’s leaning against the cold stone. He throws the thermometer to the side and wraps his fingers into Neil’s sweater. 

“Yes or no?” he asks and watches as Neil blinks a few times. 

“What?” Neil asks and grimaces as he clears his throat. “Andrew, I’m sick.” 

“I am aware.” 

“Then why do you want to kiss me?” Andrew doesn’t say that he’s had the urge to kiss Neil’s stupid mouth since they met in Millport and Andrew smashed a racquet in Neil’s stomach. “I don’t want to get you sick.” 

“I know,” Andrew says and closes his eyes for a moment. “Yes or no to me helping you back to the sofa?” 

Neil looks around the room, a confused expression on his face. “Why are you moving around?” he asks and closes his eyes for a second. “Stop spinning, you’re making me dizzy.” 

“Your head is the only thing spinning right now.” 

“Yes,” Neil says, “to you leading me to the sofa. I think I need to lay down.” 

Andrew wraps his arm around Neil’s waist and doesn’t say anything else as they slowly start walking. He had told Neil the same thing the day before and had gotten a “I’m fine” as answer and then practically had to drag him from the court when he almost collapsed due to his high temperature. It had taken both Wymack and Abby to get Neil to agree not to leave the suite until he’s actually fine again. 

Neil flops down in the middle of the sofa as soon as they’re close enough and wraps one of the blankets around him like a cocoon and -- it should look ridiculous, it really should, with Neil wearing a hoodie that clashes with his auburn hair, his pale face and big, glassy eyes all wrapped in a pink blanket. But then he frowns and something inside of Andrew’s chest tugs at the sight. “I’m cold.” 

And Andrew turns around to grab one of the few books he owns from his desk by the window, circles around to the kitchen and returns to the sofa with two more water bottles. He puts one down on the ground and hands the other one to Neil after opening it. 

Surprisingly, Neil drinks half of it before handing it back and trying to bury himself even more into the blanket. 

“Yes,” Andrew says as he opens his book. 

“What?” 

“Yes.” 

Neil turns his head and Andrew can feel his blue eyes wandering over his face like a touch too gentle for two men like them. “I don’t remember asking anything.” 

“Lay down, Neil,” Andrew says and lowers his book to give Neil a look. 

It takes a few seconds for Neil to catch on and Andrew can feel his pulse in his fingertips as he waits. “Oh.” Neil looks at Andrew’s thighs and opens his blanket cocoon a little. “You mean--?”

“It’s yes.” 

“Until it’s no,” Neil mutters, stretches his legs and pillows his head so slowly on Andrew’s thigh that Andrew knows it’s to give him an opportunity to still back out. Neil’s head is warm and an unfamiliar weight but it doesn’t set anything off in Andrew’s head. Neil sighs and his body goes soft. “You’re warm.” 

Andrew turns a page from his book and doesn’t answer. He can hear Kevin’s snores through the wall and someone walking down the hallway. The fingertips of his right hand tingle with an urge and he holds his book with his left one, lets the right one hover over Neil’s messy hair, a question at the tip of his tongue. 

“Yes,” Neil says, sounding half asleep already, and sighs again when Andrew runs his fingers through his hair twice before simply resting it there. 

It doesn’t surprise Andrew that Neil falls asleep no two minutes after that. He had been up all night, ignoring the medicine because it tasted “too sweet” and not laying down in Andrew’s or his own bed to avoid waking anyone up with his coughing. 

Andrew looks down at him, face gone soft with his lips parted slightly and eyes hidden beneath his lids, thinks about how soft the man that called a mobster out on live television looks and feels like someone opened his chest and placed the sun inside of it.

2

Andrew parks in front of the Fox Tower and leans his head against the seat behind him. He watches his cousin throw an arm around Kevin’s shoulder and the rest of his teammates chatter excitedly, still buzzed from their win today and turns his head.

Neil is leaning against the door, the way he always does when he watches Andrew drive, and his chin is tilted downward, his arms crossed and his eyes closed. His breath comes out in soft tuffs, barely audible and Andrew has the ridiculous urge to reach out and see if Neil’s lashes are as long as the shadows on his cheekbones make them out to be. 

His muscles burn from exhaustion after closing down the goal in the second half, and his head is pleasantly quiet. One quick look out the windshield tells Andrew the parking lot is as good as empty. The rest of the team will gather somewhere with the Cheerleaders to celebrate and their suite will be quiet and theirs. 

“Neil,” Andrew says. 

“I’m awake, I’m fine,” Neil says before his head snaps up and his blue eyes open to instantly find Andrew’s. He blinks. “Hello.” 

“Hello,” Andrew repeats. 

“We had a game.”

“Yes.”

“We won.”

“I was there.” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Andrew raises one of his eyebrows at Neil’s drooping eyes and at the exhaustion on his face. “Can you?” he asks and blows out a breath when Neil blinks a few times. “Without falling asleep?” 

He doesn’t wait for an answer and gets out of the car. By the time he has both of their bags, Neil is standing next to the closed door and swaying on his feet. 

It takes three steps of Neil stumbling on his feet for Andrew to realize Neil is most likely going to fall over and sleep on the grass outside of the tower if they go on like this. So he pokes his fingers under the sleeve of Neil’s hoodie and, after a look around and at Neil’s face, wraps his fingers around Neil’s.

Holding hands isn’t something they usually do, especially when they’re in public or other people are around, but it’s something they’re -- trying out. It isn’t as awful as Andrew had thought it to be and it isn’t as amazing as Nicky makes it out to be but it’s -- something. And neither Andrew nor Neil mind it. 

They somehow make it to their suite without Neil falling onto his face and Andrew gets them inside and locks the door behind them. When he turns around to face the room, Neil is leaning against the wall with his eyes half closed and toeing out of his shoes. 

Andrew watches as Neil takes a step towards the sofa, probably to collapse on it and fall asleep before his head hits the cushions, and then stops. 

Neil’s stomach starts growling and Andrew tugs his sleeve to get Neil to walk into the kitchen before he has the chance to open his mouth and refuse. Andrew grabs two bowls from the cabinet and pulls out the leftovers from their lunch out of the fridge to divide them between the bowls.

By the time the microwave is on, Neil’s eyes have closed again. Andrew nudges him with his foot from where he’s leaning against the counter and, again, Neil’s head snaps up in a second. 

“I’m awake,” he says and then blinks at Andrew. 

“Are you?” Neil looks stupidly soft with his blue eyes big, his bottom lip sticking out the tiniest bit, his auburn hair a mess after his shower and the urge to kiss him is stronger than usual and Andrew wants ( _and he wants and he wants_ ). “Yes or no?” 

“Yes--”

“Don’t fall asleep,” Andrew says and kisses him. 

It doesn’t last long because the microwave is counting down to zero from sixty but Andrew feels as if the time stands still when he kisses Neil. His pulse jumps as if he’s running a marathon and the tingling from where his lips are pressed against Neil’s soft mouth spread over his whole body. Andrew is falling without a parachute, he is a comet flying too close to the sun and he doesn’t mind. 

Andrew tilts his head up when the microwave starts beeping and something loosens in his chest at how wrecked Neil looks from that kiss. Neil takes two spoons for them as Andrew grabs the bowls and they settle down on the sofa with a blanket thrown over their legs. 

They eat their food in comfortable silence, the television muted on some drama Nicky had watched before they left for the court earlier and put their empty bowls on the table when they’re finished. 

“I’m tired,” Neil says and lets his head fall against the couch, exposing his strong neck with the action. 

Andrew looks away from him and takes the remote to zip through the channels. He goes through ten sport channels before he hits the red button and pulls his book out from under the sofa to open it. “Then go to bed.” 

Neil groans. “I don’t wanna.” 

He sounds half asleep already and Andrew can hear what Neil doesn’t speak out. He doesn’t want to be alone in the dark bedroom after a week full of horrible anniversaries and Andrew, probably more than anyone else, understands. 

Andrew thinks Neil isn’t going to last more than two minutes and looks up from the book when something soft brushes his neck. Neil is leaning sideways when Andrew looks at him, close but still keeping distance between their bodies, always, always remembering and respecting Andrew’s boundaries. 

“Can I?” 

“Yes,” Andrew says and tugs him closer with a hand around his wrist. He switches his book from his left to his right and rests his pinky over Neil’s -- who immediately intertwines them. 

This -- this is another thing they’ve been trying over the last few weeks. While holding hands is occasionally okay in private and could probably be enjoyable when they fall asleep, it could change and turn bad if they woke up. Their pinkies being twisted together, however, is something soft, something new for both of them, and a step in the right direction -- even when they are falling asleep next to each other. 

Andrew notices when Neil’s breathing deepens and his muscles loosen and throws his book into one of the beanbag chairs across the room to avoid moving too much. He pulls the blanket a little more up and thinks, _this is okay_.

3

“Stargazing, Josten?” Andrew sits down next to where Neil is sprawled on his back on the roof and a warm breeze carries the smell of their shared shampoo, cheap alcohol and something spicy over to him. He pulls a cigarette out of the pack between them and lays down. “The party not interesting enough for our vice captain?”

They had, after two hard halves and with Andrew shutting down the goal, managed to win against the Trojans earlier and the upperclassmen and cheerleaders had immediately made plans to celebrate it with a party. Andrew had taken one look at the people and how starstruck Kevin was with the Trojans and Jeremy Knox staying around and left.

Neil huffs out a breath. “No, not when the person I find the most interesting isn’t there.” 

Andrew turns his head to blow smoke at Neil’s stupidly gorgeous face and resists the urge to flick his cigarette over the roof when Neil doesn’t even blink. “I really do hate you.” 

“I’m sure you do,” Neil says. They are close, but still far enough that their bodies don’t touch – it’s hard for Andrew to pretend that Neil isn’t radiating heat like a living oven. Above them, the sky is full of stars that shimmer and shine. “That’s Venus,” Neil says and raises his arm to point at said star. “Very easy to find, with it being the brightest object after the moon.”

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Andrew motions for Neil to continue and Neil moves his hand across the sky, using his index finger as a pointer.

“These three stars here in a row are Orion’s Belt. They’re very easy to find and you can actually use them to locate other constellations and stars.” He moves his finger down a bit, continues, “this here is Orion’s Sword. The one in the middle is the Orion Nebula.”

“Nebulas are where stars are born,” Andrew says and shifts his eyes from the stars to Neil, his face light up in white and his bright blue eyes sparkling. “Stars shine for a few billion years and then, eventually, they die.” 

Neil looks at him for a moment longer, then steals the cigarette from between his fingers. A tugging in Andrews chest prompts him to take a deep breath. With his right hand, Neil makes the shape of a square. “Hey, you know what those four stars are--?”

“Rigel, Bellatrix, Saiph and Betelgeuse.”

“Of course you do,” Neil says, and Andrew can see the corner of his soft mouth twitching up. “The last one you named, Betelgeuse, is one of the largest, most luminous stars in the sky. It’s a red supergiant, actually; probably about sixty times bigger than the sun.

“And it’ll die soon,” he continues, and pushes back a red strand of hair that the light breeze blows in his face, “it will explode in a supernova. When it does, everyone on the earth will be able to see it. It will be like the earth has two suns.”

Andrew rolls on his side, his elbow on the hard stone ground of the roof and hand supporting his head. He looks at Neil, at the way his blue eyes illuminate the stars twinkling in the sky. “‘Soon’ meaning tomorrow or in a million years.”

There’s that warm feeling in his chest again when Neil looks at him. Andrew can see his throat jumping when he swallows, his hand still raised and pointing at the sky. “That’s correct.”

“I probably shouldn’t hold my breath, then.”

“Probably,” Neil says and, with two of his fingers, flings the cigarette off the roof. “Yes or no?”  
Andrew leans down before Neil is finished with the question and his lips brush Neil’s when he says “Yes”. They kiss, and Andrew loses all sense of time. The combination of being high up and Neil warm under him has Andrew’s pulse jumping. 

It’s a little later when they lay side by side with their lips red and swollen, their pinkies touching and Neil staring at Andrew with his head resting on Andrew’s shoulder. It’s different, the weight of Neil’s head when they’re laying down but Andrew knows that different doesn’t necessarily mean bad, he _knows_ this, and he understands. It’s different, but this is a good different. 

It’s true, he thinks when Neil’s eyes close and his breath turns even and his chest feels hot hot hot, that Betelgeuse is one of the brightest stars in the sky but nothing compares to how bright, how warm, Neil is. And now he understands why moons orbit around their planets.

4

Andrew ends up joining for one of the Foxes’ movie nights and blames it all on Neil. Logically thinking, he knows it’s not Neil’s fault, that he could’ve easily said no and stayed in their suite or on the roof but Andrew’s head is quieter (not completely quiet, never that) when Neil is around; he can’t fool himself into saying this is the only reason, but no one else bothers to ask (just neil, always neil, always yes or no).

He meets Renee’s eyes when he lowers himself on the sofa, the arm of the sofa to his left and Neil on his right, and she gives him a small smile before her attention is whisked away by Allison and Matt. 

Neil’s hard thigh is pressed against his, Nicky and Matt squishing against each other on the other half of the sofa, and he turns to Andrew, “is this okay?” 

His thigh is as warm as every other part of Neil always is. The pressure of it pressed against his own is weirdly grounding, but Andrew doesn’t say that. He just nods and Neil’s face relaxes. 

The evening passes like every other movie night Andrew has been present before. They bicker about what movies they should watch, Andrew completely blends them out and only then looks at his brother for the first time since entering, they eventually agree on some, the snacks fly everywhere, someone dims the lights and the first movie starts. 

Andrew has no interest in the movie playing, but he fixes his eyes on the screen anyway. It’s a romantic comedy and not something he had thought anyone besides his cousin (and his brother, maybe) would want to watch. It does nothing to hold his interest and Andrew spends five seconds looking at what’s happening in the movie before he glances to his right and at the only person that holds his attention again and again without trying. 

Neil has his arms crossed over his chest, the tips of his fingers hidden by his too long sleeves. His half lidded gaze is fixed on the screen of the television and Andrew notices the way Neil’s chin tips down every few seconds. 

Andrew feels like he’s under water when he looks at Neil, everything around him dimmed with Neil in the middle like the eye of a storm and Andrew doesn’t think he minds. 

He watches Neil’s chin dip again and then blows out a quiet breath. A quick look around confirms that everyone else is too engrossed into what’s happening in the movie to spare them any attention. It’s unusual, especially with both Nicky and Allison in the room, but Andrew takes it and looks at Neil again. 

“Yes or no?” he asks, quietly as to not disturb anyone else and so that only Neil can hear him. Neil instantly turns to him. His blue eyes are lighter than usual, the brightness of the television screen reflecting in them. Neil moves his whole body instead of just his head and his thigh presses more against Andrew’s as he makes Andrew the center of his attention.

After taking a look around them, Neil raises one eyebrow in question and Andrew hates him. He hates how gorgeous Neil is and he hates that Neil doesn’t even realize it. “Yes,” Neil says and the corner of his stupid mouth twitches upwards and Andrew really hates him. 

Andrew reaches up and puts his left hand on the back of Neil’s neck to tug his head closer and then down. Neil lets him and softly places his head on Andrew’s shoulder, letting out a sigh that Andrew feels more than hears. He keeps fingers buried in the soft strands of Neil’s auburn hair and turns his head to the tv again. 

He’s not more interested in the movie than he was a few minutes ago, but Neil smells like their shared shampoo and the sun and it makes Andrew feel warm all over. 

The weight of Neil’s head isn’t familiar but it isn’t unfamiliar either, it’s another thing they have been trying it, stretched over weeks and weeks. A step forward, Bee would call it and, considering how this small gesture ground Andrew, maybe Andrew agrees.

At one point during the movie, Matt throws a handful of popcorn at Kevin after the latter makes an offhand comment about the male lead and it has Nicky snorting out laughs. It does nothing to disturb Neil, who quietly falls asleep on Andrew’s shoulder, his breaths warm on Andrew’s skin and the rest of his body warm on Andrew’s right. 

He knows that he will have to wake Neil up when the movie ends and the lights get turned on again, he is not comfortable with any of their teammates seeing them like this after getting violently yanked out of the closet last year. 

But for now, Andrew thinks, this is okay.

5

The Foxes manage to win against the Ravens at Evermore and, after all is said and done, pile as quickly as possible into the bus and away from the screaming crowd and noisy reporters.

Andrew looks at Kevin’s head as the taller one slowly makes his way to an empty seat and ends up ramming one of his elbows into the striker’s side to hurry up the process. Kevin glares over his shoulder until he realizes it’s Andrew and then deflates like a balloon. 

He keeps walking and passes all of the empty rows in the back and sits down in the last one. Neil meets his eyes from where he’s walking behind Renee and Andrew keeps eye contact as he scoots over to the window on the right. 

The muscles in his arms hurt from continuously saving the goal in the second half and his eyes burn with exhaustion. There is something pleasant about the pain, about how his muscles scream when he moves. 

Neil stops next to the row Kevin is sitting in and narrows his barely open eyes to glare at the other striker and makes a cutting motion with his hand, which seems to make Kevin stop taking, before he starts walking again. He lowers himself into the seat next to Andrew, carefully keeping distance between their bodies and the urge to kiss him gets stronger for one second.

Andrew ignores it and Neil turns to him. 

“Yes or no?” 

“I am not kissing you,” Andrew says and he knows that Neil understands what he’s not saying. Kisses, for both Andrew and Neil, is something shared in private. A small part of Andrew wishes to keep it that way. He wants it to be something he can hold inside of him and look at whenever he wants. 

Neil snorts. “I’m not asking you to,” Neil says and his head hits the seat cushion behind him as the bus starts rolling forward. A ray of sun hits Neil’s blue eyes and makes them appear even brighter and there’s a tugging in Andrew’s chest. “Can I put my head on your thigh, yes or no?”

Andrew looks at the front of the bus. Kevin is sitting the closest, about six rows away, and seems to be discussing something with Dan and Matt, who are sitting in the row before him. Renee is backwards on her seat further in the front, arms on the cushion and her head pillowed on them as Allison is turned her way and gesturing wildly with her hands. Nicky and Aaron are sharing a row and both of their heads are lowered. 

“Yes,” Andrew says and looks at the others for another moment before his eyes find Neil’s again; just in time to catch the small smile Neil sends him before he carefully lowers his upper body, brings up his legs and lays down. 

Andrew blinks when Neil faces him instead of the other way, like he thought he would, and Neil lets out a sigh that hits Andrew’s arm and the tension falls from him at once. 

He turns his face away from Neil’s face and looks out of the window and at the passing scenery instead. The setting sun makes everything appear golden and warmer than it actually is outside. Andrew’s hand eventually ends up in Neil’s hair after Wymack takes a sharp turn and the tugging in his chest returns stronger than earlier. 

Andrew doesn’t mind it and runs his hair through soft, auburn strands.

+1

When Neil opens his eyes as the first shrill sounds of Kevin’s alarm clock sound through the room, he meets Andrew’s heavily lidded eyes. He knows, from the dark circles under eyes, to how unfocused his eyes are and how Andrew has the thin blanket covering his body twisted between his fingers that it’s not a good day for Andrew.

He gets out of the bed carefully and pays attention to not putting too much of his weight onto it while doing it. 

Kevin slams one of his hands down and quietens his alarm. He stumbles out of his bed with a groan and Neil closes his eyes his eyes and counts down from ten in all of the languages he knows. Kevin starts stumbling around the room in search of his clothes and Neil steps to the side to block Andrew when Kevin turns his eyes, still half closed, in their direction. 

“Are you coming?” he rasps and smacks his lips together once. Kevin tilts his head and Neil tilts his body in the same direction and gets a frown in return. “What are you doing? Is Andrew still asleep?” 

“Kevin--” Neil tries but Kevin cuts him off sharply. 

“Is he _sick_?” He tries once again to see past Neil and Neil manages to shove him back a little. “Neil, what the--”

“Shut the fuck up and go drink your kale smoothie,” Neil says and narrows his eyes at Kevin. The other striker takes one long look at his face and takes his clothes under one arm as he leaves. Surprisingly, the door closes behind him with a quiet click. 

Neil turns around and crouches down, balancing on the tips of his feet and letting his hands go limp between his feet. “Andrew?” he asks quietly; loud sounds aren’t something either of them can handle on bad days. Neil swallows at the darkness in Andrew’s eyes when he meets his gaze. “Do you want anything?” 

There’s a very small part of Neil that has gotten used to Andrew saying “I don’t want anything”, but he understands more than anything that talking can feel like _too much_ sometimes. Andrew shakes his head no, a barely there movement and Neil nods. 

He quickly looks across the room at his sweater and jeans and then back to Andrew’s tense form. Everything, from the way he’s clinging to his blanket to the bottomless darkness in his eyes screams ‘no’, but Neil keeps balancing on his toes and asks, “Do I stay or do I go?” 

It takes a few seconds for Andrew’s eyes to focus on Neil again, and then some more seconds before he opens his mouth and answers, “go.” 

Neil accepts this with another nod and stands back up. A water bottle is placed next to the bed, still untouched, and Neil leaves it there. He quickly collects his clothes from where he put them the evening before and leaves the room to get dressed in the bathroom. The toast he stuffs into his mouth on his way out of the tower tastes like nothing and the banana he eats after that doesn’t do much for him either. 

The drive to the building his classes are in and his classes fly by slower than usual, now that Neil’s head isn’t fully there. He knows, from his own bad days, that being left alone is important even when the urge doesn’t arise often in himself anymore, Neil understands and respects Andrew’s wishes. It still leaves a sour taste in his mouth throughout all of his classes and the ride back to Fox Tower. 

He parks in the same spot Andrew left the Maserati in the day before and, bag in hand, makes his way up to their suite. It’s quiet inside when he unlocks the door and toes out of his shoes. Neil grabs a cold bottle of water out of the fridge and knocks on the door to the bedroom before he opens it. He knows that, were it a normal day, Andrew would’ve heard him but he was also familiar with thoughts that are louder than anything around him. 

Andrew is still laying in the same position he was in when Neil left, though Neil notices that he must’ve moved and drunken something out of the bottle near the bed at one point. He lets out a breath and crouches down again and this time Andrew meets his eyes without Neil having to say his name first. 

“Hello,” Neil says and feels stupid for it one second later. Andrew just blinks at him and Neil blinks back. “I’ll be in the living room, okay?” He gets back up and his knees crack. 

There’s a tug on his sweater and Neil immediately turns back around to Andrew. “Stay,” Andrew whispers and gives another tug. 

Neil suddenly feels like he got the air knocked out of him and he carefully lowers himself onto the bed next to Andrew. He shoves his hand under the pillow and pulls out the book he got from Andrew. “Is it okay if I read this out loud?” 

Andrew hums instead of saying yes and Neil holds the book with his right hand, his left one resting on his stomach. He doesn’t read the words any louder than he was when he talked to Andrew and it doesn’t take long for Neil to lose himself in the colorful writing. 

There’s usually always space between their bodies, but now, as Neil reads, he notices Andrew scooting a little closer and carefully and very, very slowly placing his head on Neil’s shoulder. It’s something that they had done before, once, when Andrew was sick with a fever. This is no normal day, but it’s still different, especially when Neil feels Andrew’s pinky intertwine with his. 

He doesn’t stop reading when Andrew lets out a sigh and his breath fans over Neil’s neck. He doesn’t stop reading when Andrew eventually closes his eyes and the tension leaves his body. 

When he stops for a moment to look down at Andrew, his head pillowed on Neil’s shoulder and pinkie interlocked with his and resting on Neil’s stomach, Andrew whispers, with his eyes still closed, “staring.” 

And Neil answers, “yeah” before he continues reading the words written on the page. He keeps going even after Andrew’s breathing deepens. 

Neil takes a second to hate every person that had ever called Andrew, the man very lightly holding onto his pinky and breathing onto the soft skin of his neck, a monster and has to close his eyes as they start burning. 

Then he swallows and keeps reading.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated! let me know your thoughts! 
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/seijohsmanager)


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